Category Archives: ESFJ

Skin in the Game VS External Motivators

It is amazing what a little direction and an external motivator can do for a writer. I think, at times, I take my writing group for advantage – as in, I am always amped to beta read, offer my services as a sounding board, or my myriad experiences with life and the multitude of careers that I have held…but sometimes (most of the time?), I fall vastly short of what I promise. I am the Prince of Empty Promises, which sucks…hard. Hell, I can’t even follow through on promises I make to myself (remember, Self, when I promised to write every day, even if it was only for twenty minutes?).

So when a friend offers to help me, it usually brings forth feelings of guilt, bubbling to the surface in sticky, resinous clots. I need to get over that shit. I am an ESFJ, which I hear is pretty cool. I don’t know a ton about personality tests, but the title of ‘Provide’ definitely seems to fit me well. I love to give, and have a hard time taking. I want to motivate others to be their best. I want people to look up to me for one reason or another – I guess that is why I have a degree in education. I believe that one should only surround his/her self with people that they strive to be like – I do not waste time with people that I do not admire. That being said, I need to get over my shit and start taking help from those who I admire, those who I strive to be like.

So, I was offered help recently. By one of those very friends who I strive to be like, none-the-less. Someone who is as well versed in literature and writing as you can get. Someone whose spirit and personality outshines everything else. And my knee-jerk reaction was to make sure that I wasn’t taking advantage of their expertise or services. I was laughed at, in the most kind-hearted and flattering of ways.

That brings us to today. I have written more from the spark of that outreach in the past six days than I have in several months. I talked about my lightning in a bottle writing session a while back – this is the most I have written since then. And it feels incredible. I am just writing. I am getting out of my own head, circumventing the tumors of self-doubt and vast wasteland of over analysis. I am just writing. And it feels incredible.

Concurrent to NaNoWriMo, their funding drive kicks into full gear. The argument is simple: if you donate money to the cause, you will be more inclined to reach your goal. I use this same argument at work. If you put some skin in the game, you are more aware and involved in whatever it is you are doing. So I donated. And I ‘failed’. I wrote over 13k words, so it wasn’t a total failure, but it sure wasn’t the mark that I set for myself. I am okay with that today. However, for me personally, this rationalization is a complete lie. It is bullshit. If I were to actualize my intentions for everything that I approach in this manner, I would be in amazing shape as well. As in, I pay for a gym membership every month, but I haven’t gone in eight. Skin in the game does not work for me.

The difference for me, in this situation, is that I am now on the hook for letting a friend down. If I don’t follow through, I am going to fail as an ESFJ. Again, that profile doesn’t resonate with me in terms of being a Briggs Meyer fanatic – it resonates with me in terms of being the person I want to be. I want people to come to me for help, advice, a hug…whatever. But I need to be able to reciprocate that situation for my friends as well. They are doing incredible things. I am sure they want me to go to them for help. Sometimes though, they chose to offer the hand before the request. I feel this encouragement in many ways. For example, I felt it when KM Alexander asked me to cover his Friday Link Packs while he was on tour with his wife for her amazing art exhibition in Melbourne.

I promised my amazing writing group that I would submit to contests, lit mags, etc. at least four times this year. I am certain that I will accomplish this, because I have an external motivator now – the fear of letting my group down. I have promised a friend to try a strategy in writing, and I am producing words again. This is happening because of that push. Even if fear is the motivator, it is working. I do a lot of public speaking and for me, that fear, right before I begin a presentation, is a tangible pod humming with the energy I need to be great. I harness that fear, breathing it in and swallowing it, as fuel to do great things.

All I can do now is figure out how to take my fears and apprehensions with writing and harness them in the same way. Dedicating time to the craft, and getting a few words on the page is the start. As I test the waters with my words, I will breath in their energy, and build up the confidence to dive in and let the electrifying shock of the process invigorate me.

How about you? Do you perform better when you have some skin in the game or when you have the push of an external motivator behind you?